A Thought: On the Other Shoe

Rather than being scared of getting hit by the other shoe when it drops, how's about we try to catch it and think, hey, free shoes? Read more!

A Thought: On Defining Memories

If we make an effort to define memories as much as they define us, the most one need ever be is wistful for what once was, rather than sad for what couldn't be. Read more!

Hope for the Holidays

The holidays are my favorite time of year, from right around this week until a bit after New Year's. There's something about the world during all of this that feels...different. I understand why so many cultures have celebrated it; not just because it was a turning point, when the weather began to shift back towards warmth, but because it was full of something deeper, a time for thought, introspection and possibility.

People just seem happier, even if they aren't, really, and the world becomes something magical, with the lights, the clarity of cold air and the sounds and smells, the bells and woodsmoke, particular to the season.

I love it all, truly, but sometimes...it isn't easy. There are ghosts for me. I mean, they're there, all year, but the ones that haunt the holidays are a little stronger, more prevalent. I'll be alone for Christmas this year, for the first time in a very long time. Jennifer's going to Florida for the week and Katie, like everyone else, will be spending the day with her family. Mine will be over here in the early morning, but likely gone by noon. I'm not sure how to feel about all that yet.

My mom met my stepdad when I was 18. I was already living on my own in the old trailer, had been since I was a senior in high school and could walk up the steps to get inside again. My mom was living with my grandfather, who needed 24-hour care we couldn't afford to give him otherwise. She'd take care of him during the day and, more often than not, I'd go and take care of him overnight, so she could rest. But that's none of it the point.

My stepfamily moved in with the two of them the summer of my 18th year, just before I turned 19. I volunteered to stay with my grandfather, rather than going to my family's Christmas, back when I still had enough alive to do the big gathering. That was the last year, though we didn't know it then, obviously. He and I watched TV together and the little ones, my younger soon-to-be step-siblings, got to enjoy a real family Christmas the way we'd always done it, so it was good.

A week later, very early New Year's Day, Ian killed himself. Three months after that, my grandfather passed. It was hard, then, being alone in the world, truly alone, for the first time. My mom sought solace with my stepfather, which was only fair, then they got married and that year they went to his family's Christmas and forgot to invite me. There was no malice or anything. In all her own pain, she forgot and he'd assumed she had asked. It was just something that slipped through the cracks, is all.

My best friend called to see how my day had been, sometime after ten Christmas night. I told her about all of it. She asked if I'd eaten and I told her I hadn't, as I was out of food again (there were a couple of years when I was only eating every few days). We ended up sitting in the parking lot of Albertson's after I'd broken into a local farmer's market and taken some fruit, because nothing else was open, leaving money and a note on the counter. She fell asleep and I cried listening to her new Lifehouse CD.

A week later, very early New Year's Day, I stood at my door and watched snow fall in Louisiana for the first time in as long as I could remember.

It taught me something that I carry to this day, one of those things that I keep wrapped safe and tight in my heart. There is hope. Always hope. And if you remember that, the ghosts can become good company, visitors with whom to share that dark, contemplative time of year, I suppose. It can, at the very least, turn the memories from a sharp sense of loss to something softer, something that, even if touched by melancholy, can still be beautiful, as a sad smile is still, at its heart, a smile.

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A Thought: On Supply and Demand

If you demand nothing from people, you will often find you get everything. Read more!

A Thought: On the Unfairness of Congressional Exemption

I would happily support Congressional action to remove the "unfair and hypocritical" exemption from Obamacare granted to Congress and The White House were it to also remove all the other, larger exemptions Congress has given themselves over the years and knock them down to working for the unlivable federal minimum wage.
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A Thought: On the Failure of Civics Teachers

Every time something like the government shutdown incites such vehement, polarizing, vitriolic fervor in the media and, by extension, here on the internet, I am reminded that so many civics teachers, whether out of simple ignorance or cynical personal bias, failed to do the one job with which they were entrusted; educating Americans on the basic, fundamental ways in which our government functions. Read more!

A Thought: On Attacking the Solution

To acknowledge a problem and attack those who offer a solution without proffering your own is foolish. Read more!

Conversations: An Unhealthy Preoccupation With Cake

Friend: Ever think, clearly and rationally, that you shouldn't have cake, so you decide not to have cake, and then all you can think about is how badly you want cake?

 Me: Nope. I can see no clear, rational line of thinking that would lead to not choosing to have cake.

 

F: Well in this instance the cake is a metaphor.

 

M: For what?

F: Sex.

M: I knew that.

F: You just wanted me to say it?

 

M: I did.

F: Mean.

M: I like to think I'm actually straight-out evil, but sure. I'm teaching you to use metaphors.

F: I always use metaphors.

 

M: And that's fine, but you shouldn't use ones that don't make sense. Like those that assume anyone 

would ever not choose cake.

 

F: I can't think of anything else that works.

 

M: Because cake is the only thing on par with sex. I see your problem.

F: I'm actually fairly sure that you do, yes.

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You know you're in grad school...

When you start to move into another room of your house and think, "Wait, I need to be reading something," than chuckle with relief because you know there's at least a few books in every room to choose from, and you've got assigned reading in those, too. Read more!

A Thought: On the Burden and Blessing of Perception

It's the unfortunate burden, and consummate blessing, of those able to see evil in the world that they will often find themselves in a place to do good. Read more!

A Thought: On the Importance of Doors

Building castles around the heart is important, but you've got to remember to put a door, else you'll starve the soul. Read more!

::Grinds teeth::

As a person in a terminal Master's program with nearly as many credit and lab requirements as a Ph.D. program, I have come to loathe the feeling I get every time someone in a doctorate field asks, "Why aren't you going for your Ph.D.?" or someone in another, far less intensive Master's program asks what's taking me so long.

You people are paying for my inevitable dental bills. Read more!

A Thought: On Unjust Veneration

While loss of life is always tragic, and to die young even more so, those who die as a result of their own foolish action should be remembered, at best, as cautionary tales, not venerated as heroes.
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A Thought: On the Responsibility of Change

I don't care for statements like, "Money changes people," or, "Power corrupts." They remove all responsibility from the person changing for the subsequent change.

A more accurate statement would be that people with money or power change. Nothing outside ourselves can force a particular change upon us. While we are often faced with situations which require adaptation, we always have a choice in how we are changed by them and rarely are the changes we make irreversible. Read more!

A Thought: On the Unbearable Burden of Pants

Did you ever find out that you had to do something and just think to yourself, "I feel like I've met my pants-wearing quota for the day?" Read more!