My Absence

In the last few weeks, since a week or so before Christmas, I've posted very little.  Part of it was the holidays, which were amazing, some of the best I've had in years and years.  But the other part was a sort of unmotivated general malaise that I'm even now trying to shake off.  The holidays did a great deal to mitigate it, but as I come into the new year, I spend a little time in the past and a lot of time looking to the near future.

I suppose it comes from not feeling as though I've accomplished much of what I sought to do, a quarter into my year.  I have everything I need, for the moment, including some incredibly supportive people in my life, but the ongoing unemployment (job interview Tuesday!) and general feeling of instability in my life has made focusing difficult.  I will prevail, though, and the first place I'm going to be picking up the slack is here, where I'll start posting regularly again.  Writing has always served as an anchor for me, a way of holding myself in place when the rest of my life is shifting or shaky.

For the new year, I've begun a restricted calorie diet, attempting to reshape the way I eat for the long term.  I've spent a week without exercising or weight training in order to find a healthy new balance and to allow my body some time to acclimate to the reduced energy intake.  I'll monitor it more closely as I step back up into my routines.  Weight loss is a means to an end, but the end goal is being healthy and starvation doesn't help much with that.

In the spirit of hope, I'm going to list some thing to look forward to this year.  I should finish my new novel, with which I've recently had an exciting breakthrough in the narrative.  I ought to be receiving my first penpal letter from an awesome friend of mine who we'll just call C.  Another friend, A, has agreed to work with me on voice lessons.  I've always sung, but never been trained and it's something I've always wanted to do.  I'm going to take my social studies cert exam in March and, though I don't think I'll ever feel completely ready for it, I'm going to do my absolute best.  I need to find some folks who'll let me take their picture and some new music to listen to.  And that's just a handful of the things I've got to look forward to.

On a final note, I didn't post the usual New Year's Day sentiment, but it was felt.  I miss you, little brother, as always, and hope that, somewhere, you're proud of what I'm doing.  I love you.